Date:
May 20, 2010
Time:
7:33 PM
All I wanted was to make her smile.
Cause life sucks sometimes. And we just have to deal with it until it becomes better.
I have to say, today was the most emotional day of the year.
One after another, the results came in and soon I just felt like it was a dream.
I will recap the unfortunate events of the day.
As the morning assembly drew to a close, my stomach began to hurt with worry.
The first subject is chinese, what if I couldn't get at least 65%
I don't want to not be eligible to take HCL next year!
When Lao Shi walked in, dread sank in the bottom of my stomach.
As she told us our Paper 1 was better than our Paper 2, a little hope entered into my heart.
Maybe I could do well for my Paper 1!
I had pretty high hopes for Paper 1 as when I was writing it, I felt at total ease.
However, I got back my paper. 47/90.
I was disappointed at the number of wrong words I made.
How could I be so careless?
Then, a horrible thought struck me.
If my Paper 1 is like that, how would my Paper 2 be like?!
I was proper scared at that moment.
I didn't have long to wait though.
It arrived to me on a silver platter
49/110.
Imagine my shock when I had realised I failed chinese.
How did this happen?
Didn't I revise 3half hours straight for it the day before?
Didn't I always pay attention in tuition and when teacher is going through corrections?
Didn't I memorise all the Idioms and Phrases?
Didn't I read through the handbook thoroughly?
I thought that if I studied and my results were like this, what happened if I didn't study?
So anyway, I only used maximum 2 pieces of tissue then.
Next. Literature.
To be honest, I was really really confident about my Literature marks
I felt that I really analysed it well proper.
I thought that it would be the period that would cheer me up.
Well, I scored 62/100. A B4.
Which was bad cause last year I remembered I got an A2.
And I remember Ms L writing on my paper that I had to potential to score well in Literature
And that I only had to write a few more quotes.
Pfftz, that period made me angry too.
So I vented my anger on an unfortunate piece of foolscap paper.
Recess.
The more horrible recess I had in my entire life.
The bad news came from G2.
"Ms Loo was leaving Crescent."
"When?"
"End of next week."
No....
My first reaction: Oh no, I will fail Math this year.
Because Ms Loo is really the most AWESOME Math teacher ever.
Seriously.
Without her, I'm sure I would not be able to cope with Math this year
So I got really emotional
And started banging my way up to class again
And screaming and shouting at everything
And after the anger subsided, it turned to tears.
At the fact that our beloved Ms Loo would NEVER be teaching us again.
At the fact that Math 1 and Math 2 would be thrown away.
And replaced with probably foolscap papers.
At the fact that she will never get to see T.O.P's face.
I used up lots of tissues at that point.
History.
Man, I was totally numb at that point.
Paper was given back.
I got a 30/60
A C6.
I guess I wasn't really shocked or anything
I mean, I knew that my History was not going to be that great
But the thing is that
I really studied a lot for history. Even when I was cutting my hair, I was studying history yknow?
Why does all my effort end up in naught?
Damn, this sucks.
English.
Sigh
What can I say?
Was I too over-confident?
Just because I thought that my English was good so I could easily ace the test?
Bull.
I never expected myself to get so low for Comprehension
During all those practices I had easily gotten a 16
Why now a 11?
When did I start to deprove?
How did I let her beat me in the subject I was most confident of?
Crap.
Science.
Once I saw Ms S and Ms S walk in, tears started coming up
Once Ms S announced that there were 4 failures, the tears dropped
When Ms S gave me my paper, I told her
"I'm sorry."
I didn't even look at the paper yet.
But when I saw it, the tears ran down so hard.
I didn't dare to meet their gazes cause I feared seeing the disappointed look in their eyes.
I didn't know that it would be so bad
44/100.
Hmph.
And the thing is, I REALLY REALLY did study for science this time
I made notes in class and listened attentively in lessons.
I studied Science first during the weekend and felt confident that I would definitely do well.
I guess it came as the biggest blow to me cause when everyone started asking me my results, I just exploded.
I used almost a quarter packet of a 100 tissues.
Math.
Wow, what can I say
I was just hoping that I would not let Ms Loo down
I wanted to show her that she DID help me in Math
And wanted to improve
I got back my paper.
58/100
When I saw those marks,
I started laughing and I experienced something wonderful
Tears of joy were streaming down my face
I didn't fail, I didn't fail!
Oh how wonderfully grateful I felt right then
People looked at me weird when I told them in glee that I got 58.
But do you know for a person who fails every single math test, to get a C5.
It was just wonderful.
It was wonderful not to fail
It felt wonderful when I saw the red ticks in the paper
It felt wonderful to cry tears of joy.
By then, I had 3 pieces of tissue left.
Of course, I lent quite a lot of class mates some tissues too
So they contributed to it
I was right to bring the tissue box today.
As I rode home after CCA, I switched on my iPod.
Coagulation was playing.
When I heard Yesung sing, I started crying all over again
I felt that I had become not worthy to be a fangirl.
Like now
allkpop is on the tab next to this, but whenever I go to that page, I will feel nauseous.
You may think I am loony but I felt that I had let down Yesung.
So today was a day of tears
A day of sorrow
A day of disappointment
A day of anger
A day of exhaustion
A day of pain
A day of frowns
A day of sadness
But that is today.
There is always tomorrow because tomorrow is the day that always never comes.
And tomorrow will be a day of happiness
A day of new beginnings
A day smiles
A day of laughter
A day of joy
A day of excitement
Because I know we will do better.
Stuff always gets better.
That's what a little bird once told me.